The Success Catalyst

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The Value Of Knowing And Living Our Values

V for Values. Vegan goodies on Valentine’s

Back in the beginning of the year I posted a blog Write Your December 2019 Holiday Letter and one of the prompts to help you write your letter one year from now about your desired future was to ask yourself what were the values that guided you in 2019.

More often than not, when asked about our values people kind of draw a blank and then say something like, “Uh, well, honesty and integrity, for sure. And probably _______.” (fill in the blank with one other value that comes to mind and that you identify with.)

But it usually stops there. Not because we don’t have core values – we all do, but because we may not ever have been given the guidance to explore what they are, why they are, and the structure to live into them. Many of us would say we value honesty and integrity, but most of us don’t really think about what that really means for us, personally, day to day.

I spent New Year’s day at a meditation and journaling retreat called, “2019 The Year Of Integrity”, and when we talked about what integrity means to us, for as many people as there were in the space, there were that many definitions. Not that we didn’t all have similar notions, ideas, and variations of, “Say what you mean and mean what you say,” but the deeper dive on what that meant for each of us was where the juice was.

My all-time favorite experience of integrity is “Doing the right thing even when no one is looking.” It lights me up just thinking about it. Why? Well, for starters, because it feels liberating (another value) when I “do the right thing,” whatever the means to me, regardless if anyone’s ‘watching.’

Our values give us our sense of individual identity. They help guide our decisions and motivate us to take authentic action.

Living our values highlights our natural abilities, talents, and strengths and provides the foundation on which the things we consider important are built. Living into and honoring our values is a lifetime labor of love.

Helping the folks I coach to clarify their values is one of the first and most important activities we do together because when our actions and decisions align with our values, we experience harmony, flow, and deep fulfillment. And when they’re not in alignment, we experience an inner dissonance and disconnectedness, even if we’re not fully conscious of it.

There are many ways to clarify our values, but, for now, let’s start with one. Discovering what our core values are isn’t so much an intellectual exercise as it is an exploration of who we are and what really matters to us.

DO try this at home:

1. Think about a moment in time when you felt on top of the world, exhilarated, in the zone, lit up. What was happening? Where were you? What were you doing? Who was there? Now keep probing what values were being honored during this Peak Experience.

2. After you’ve identified one of the values that really stands out, ask yourself, when was the last time you were honoring that value. The value might have been “adventure”, “connection”, “nature”, “love”, “freedom.” Or maybe a phrase comes to mind, like, “Fire-Breathing Dragon”, “We’re In This Together” – one of my TOP core values:), or “Brave-Hearted Warrior”, you get the picture.

3. For 5-10 minutes, journal the following inquiry: What does my value of _______ mean to me and how am I (expressing, living, creating) this value?

4. Use what shows up and then, each day, for seven days, ask yourself, “Just for today, how will I express this value?” The expression may look bold or “ordinary” – however it shows up, enjoy playing with it.

Cliche, or not, as Gandhi has been known to have said, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony”, really comes alive when we are living into our values.

Have fun and feel free to share what shows up for you!

Write Your December 2019 Holiday Letter

Planet Iceland 2018

One of my coachees recently said to a friend in a joking way, “Are you going to take 2019 by storm?” and he replied, “No, more like a gentle breeze”. She then said to me, “I think this is going to be my mantra this year: Getting things done using a gentle breeze.”

Whether you decide to take the year by storm or take the gentle breeze approach, here’s a cool writing exercise that will set the stage for creating authentic goals for the coming year. It will help reveal what’s really important to you and why. Creating the year you want to be living into and then working backward is an exciting way to live life.

I once heard it said that having goals is just another way to fall more in love with life. For me, it’s a reminder not to take the term ‘goals’ so seriously. Make (and sometimes break) them in the spirit of giving some thought, structure, and follow-through to meaningful ideas, hopes, plans, wishes, and dreams.

With that in mind, here goes…

Imagine it’s the holidays of next year and you’re celebrating another year gone by. Take a moment to reflect on everything you lived through and experienced over the past year. Notice where you are and what’s alive inside of you. Really allow yourself to get present with yourself and connect to your inner world.

Looking back over the various areas of your life – best case scenario, what did you experience over the last year? What did you accomplish? What did you contribute?

What were some of the highlights? Thrills? Milestones? What made it a successful and fulfilling year? What values guided you? What were you committed to in a “no joke, no kidding” kind of way?

Who or what motivated, inspired, and supported you? How did you stay focused on your “important, but not urgent” commitments?

What helped you stay grounded during challenging times?

How was your aliveness and energy throughout the year?

How was your sense of belonging?

What experiences filled your heart and made you smile?

What did you embrace and what did you let go of?

What was the theme of 2019? It may be a word or a phrase. Mine a few years ago was Badass Wholehearted Renegade. 

Now, here comes your December 2019 Holiday Letter:

Write a letter to someone that’s not meant to be sent – unless you want to – or to your future self and, using these prompts, describe your most positive year, one year from now.

Most importantly, have fun with it!

“Imagination is the preview of life’s coming attractions.” ~Albert Einstein

2018 Year-in-Review

Live Life Like You Mean It

This reflection exercise is something I do every year with the folks I coach and I just did mine this morning. Have a look and give it a whirl. 

The end of another year can bring up both challenging and wonderful times for many of us. It can be easy to fall into the trap of self-blame and self-criticism when reviewing what we think we were supposed to accomplish. Whatever our saboteurs/gremlins are, we tend to easily forget a lot of what happened that led us to make our decisions. So let’s take a look back at 2018.

Here are some questions to ask yourself that will give you a fresh perspective on this past year. Feel free to add any of your own. 

1.) What experience/situation caused me to grow?

2.) What accomplishments am I most proud of?

3.) In what area of my life did I make some progress?

4.) What was missing from my life last year?

5.) Whom did I help?

6.) What am I most grateful for and why?

7.) What were the most fun times I had?

8.) What advice would I give myself for 2019?

Despite the impossibly super-human standards we set for ourselves, it’s important to take a moment to realize what went well, what worked out, what we gave to others, what life lessons we learned, and what hidden gems appeared that we could not possibly have predicted 12 months ago. There are times for action and times for reflection. Have fun looking back in preparation for creating your year ahead!

Relax Into 2015 With A Simple Plan

‘Tis the season to set goals and make resolutions. You know the drill – make resolutions, break resolutions, feel bad about breaking them, feel bad about feeling bad about it. And then, from that frustrated and disappointed mindset, keep trying to motivate yourself to stick to the plan. Sounds like a stressful and miserable way to start a new year, let alone, a way to live a life!

Consider approaching this new year with a fresh perspective – decide that no matter what happens this year, you are committed to living a life you love.

Imagine taking that on as THE GOAL. From there, while planning your year, your month, your week, your day, ask yourself, “Will this choice make me feel more in love with myself and my life?” Notice I added “myself” in there – because, no matter how much you accomplish, it’s pretty tough to enjoy the ride if you’re in a not-so-hot relationship with yourself.

From all the years of coaching others, and from my own life, if I had to distill down the key factor that determines whether someone is happily living a life they love, it comes down to what kind of relationship they have with themselves. We can’t get away with having a great life while secretly in a crappy relationship with ourselves.

And it’s not our fault. We live in a society that breeds self-hatred. And the outcome is evident all around us as the cultural norm is to take cover in a variety of addictions: overbusyness has become a badge, hyper-identification with a job role is a sign of success, sex and romantic fantasy addiction dominates the online dating world, consumerism and the non-stop need to acquire more stuff is sanctioned, and food and alcohol abuse is rampant – anything to numb the pain of our deep self-loathing. We’re collectively obsessed with trying to get our internal needs met by external means and it’s a no-win game.

So even though we may not have caused it, it is our responsibility to show up for ourselves in a way that honors and respects relationship, “the state of being connected”, and the most important place to start is to look at how we’re connecting with ourselves. Once you shift this most primary relationship, the rest unfolds accordingly.

Challenge yourself to decide what kind of relationship you want to have with yourself – you are your greatest love and the kind of life you have truly depends on how you are treating and talking to yourself. The idea is to start making choices that reflect a healthy, conscious, and loving relationship with yourself.

One way to do this is to get really honest about what kind of relationship you’re currently in with yourself. Is it tumultuous and unstable? Is it calm on the surface and a mess behind closed doors? Is it “touch and go”? Is it shallow and superficial, but as long as it looks good to others it’s good enough? Are you just using yourself in order to get others to do for you what you need to do for yourself? In other words, look for where you’re being not so honest about the way it actually is.

See what characteristics are most prevalent in your current relationship with yourself. Is there a lot of unchecked hostility, judgement and criticism? Do you allow yourself to talk to yourself with contempt and disregard? Is the self-talk snide and sarcastic? Blaming and defensive? Condescending and critical? Harsh and impatient? Sweet-talking and insidious?

Look at ways you abandon yourself by making choices that might get you short-term gratification but that make you feel sick inside because you know you’re selling out. Notice when you say ‘yes’ to people and things when you really mean ‘no’ and the impact it has on you and others. Consider the possible missed opportunities and ways you may have sabotaged situations and relationships where, instead of creating mutual respect and collaboration, trust, partnership, inspiration, and closeness – your actions caused irreparable damage, mistrust, ill-will, and un-lived possibilities.

The point of all this is that it’s all well and good to have goals and dreams, but if we’re in a continuous battle over whether we’re even worthy of having what we want, it’s not only exhausting and depleting to be in an ongoing contentious argument with ourselves, but, even if we do get what we asked for, we likely won’t have the capability to see it, be open to it and receive it, let alone hold on to it, when it does arrive.

Chances are, some of the things you find when you take a peek behind the curtain are not going to be pretty. But until you realize that “you’re the one you’ve been waiting for” and that no one’s coming to rescue you from the chaos of your own self-abandonment, no amount of outside approval is going to make you ever feel enough. And when we don’t feel enough inside, we create and perpetuate a continuing cycle of pain and suffering for ourselves and others. And on it goes, and time waits for no one, and there goes living a life we love.

Now the good news! Once you decide to make your relationship with yourself the most important relationship you’ll ever have, you’re on your way to living a life you love. Decide what qualities you want to develop in this intentional relationship. Some to consider are – warm and understanding, open, honest, and trusting, playful and curious, sweet and loving, fun and exciting, responsible and accountable, safe and secure, tender and caring, mindful and attentive, appreciative and thoughtful. Go ahead and come up with your own that feel right for you and feel free to mix and match.

And it’s not about being perfect and never having a bad word to say about yourself – hardly. It’s about deciding what kind of relationship you want to have with yourself, no matter what comes your way. It’s committing to a way of life. You get to decide what that looks like and you can tweak it as you go. And when you notice yourself slipping into old ways of relating to yourself – and you will – simply acknowledge it for what it is, an old default – and choose from your list of new ways of being, and keep at it. Expect it to take practice. Like anything else worth having, it requires practice, patience, and support – and it gets easier.

And it just so happens that one of my favorite creative geniuses, John Lennon, put it this way: “We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”

How you know you’re on the right track is that you feel alive, open, and inspired – connected to others and all of life – you’re living a life you love! From this place of lovingkindness and compassionate self-regard, you’re free to make choices that truly align with who you really are, which is who we all are: powerful, thriving, creative, and worthy humans with unlimited potential to live a life filled with love, joy, peace, connection, and true contentment.

Have fun playing with this approach and let me know how it goes!

With Big Love,

Stay tuned for my next post which will focus more on the nuts and bolts of making your dreams come to life – coming shortly: Make 2015 your best year ever – how to turn good ideas into powerful intentions.

Five Questions To Ask Yourself While Wrapping Up 2014

Whether you’re a savvy business owner, an enthusiastic entrepreneur, or just a plain old hard-working professional, ’tis the season to take stock of the wins and challenges of another year gone by.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of focusing on what you think didn’t work out or not feeling like you accomplished nearly enough and, while it’s always a great idea anytime of the year to ask yourself what you learned from any disappointment or “failure”, we tend to easily forget about or dismiss our wins and successes.

So, in the spirit of getting a “reality check” on your year, here are five great questions to ask yourself while looking back:

1. In what areas of my personal and professional life did I make some progress? Take a good look and expect to be pleasantly surprised. It’s easy to shrug off many of the “little” things we did because we’re still focused on the never-ending big picture. Make sure you acknowledge what you know now as a result of your commitment to your success that you didn’t know a year ago. Chances are, you’re much more of a pro than a year ago!

2. Who did I lend a helping hand to? It’s not only good business or “karma” to bring value to others, it just plain feels great! You can never do too much of this one so give it all you got. As personal and professional development coach Brian Tracy says, “Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, ‘What’s in it for me?’”

3. What am I most proud of? Whether it’s an against-all-odds project you completed, a promising new collaboration you developed, or the day you helped out at the soup kitchen, really take time out to acknowledge ways in which you showed up that reminds you how great it feels when you’re at your best.

4. What were the most fun times I had? This is an obvious, but often easily overlooked one: if you’re not having fun, what’s the point? Look for the laughs, the smiles, and the good times. If you’re not finding any, make it happen – starting now!

5. And then top it off with: What advice would I give myself for a successful 2015? This is a terrific way to mentally tick through the past year and note what habits slowed you down and which ones gave you traction and momentum – you are the expert on you so take your advice to heart and use it as a call to action!

And I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t throw in a juicy challenge: take one BOLD action before the year ends. Pick something bordering on “crazy and outlandish” – that thing that makes you think, “No, not that!” – yeah, that one – and then go do it! Yes, just do it. What have you got to lose? Doing the same old thing gets stale. Jolt yourself by doing something that gets you out of your comfort zone and just see what happens. If nothing else, it will make for a great ice-breaker at a holiday party.

Even better, while sharing your bold action story with some unsuspecting reveler, encourage them to do the same before the year’s up. Who knows, you might even pick up a new customer, business contact, or friend just by having fun playing this game with a fellow traveler on the road to success. As the saying goes, “Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.”

Now, put a big fat bow on 2014 and get ready to ring in a great new year!!

With Big Love,


The Year of Living Wholeheartedly

park benchI have always been one to take risks, follow my heart, pursue my dreams, and not wait for love or life to find me. So, nine months ago, after getting out of a dead-end relationship, I left California for new beginnings in Portland, Oregon, a place I knew almost nothing about, and am excited to say I have completely fallen for this gem of a city that I now call home. Rocco, my super rad chiweenie, is adjusting like a champ and we both agree the future looks bright!

And, as hard as it’s been to let go of a dream, I will never stop living wholeheartedly. Every heart-wrenching disappointment is a messy opportunity to fall even more in love with myself, my friends, my passions, and my life.

So, that’s what I’ve been doing – sometimes joyfully, sometimes not, but always passionately and with my whole heart. I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am for my nearest and dearest – my extraordinary friends and my amazing coach who have all been there for me, as always, like angels walking the earth.

And, for all of the amazing humans that I coach – past and present (and future!) – who endlessly move and inspire me with their fierce courage and indomitable commitment to living their best life. You all ROCK, and I am so honored to be a part of your wholehearted journey.

And, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t invite all of you to ask yourself, how are you living wholeheartedly today? Whether there is heartbreak, a loss of someone you love, a high-pressure job, no job, compromised health, challenging kids or family members, a too-full plate, a fledgling business, a betrayal by someone you loved and trusted, or any of the other challenges that come with being alive – how are you showing up for yourself and your life?

Hint: If it’s with a compassionate and courageous heart, a curious and open mind, and a willingness to lovingly and authentically connect with yourself and others, then, I believe, you’re on the right track!

Thanks to everyone who, just for today, is showing up wholeheartedly – we’re in this together!

Have fun playing with this new approach and email me what you notice!

With Big Love,

How Surgery Was a Gift: A Fresh Perspective

I didn’t see it as a gift when I was told that my shoulder needed to be operated on if I wanted to get back to my racquet sports and swimming – not to mention if I was interested in a remaining lifetime free of chronic and acute pain from a torn rotator cuff that would only get worse. Upon getting the d-date for late May, I broke down and cried.

There’s nothing like having surgery on your (dominant) arm and then being told you can’t use it for 6 weeks to get your attention – well, there are so many things much worse, but this was enough to get mine. The worst part was this meant I had to reach out to friends and ask for help. For some, this isn’t hard to do – for me, it’s excruciating. I’ve gotten much better at it over the years, but, given a choice, I prefer not to ever have any needs – that’s how I roll.

At the eleventh hour, I made a few calls, stopped by a few friends’ houses, and wrote a few emails, letting people know I was heading into surgery and could use some help. In less than 24 hours, friends were sending out emails to my other friends and, before I knew it, I was inundated with support.

Between everybody, everything was taken care of: from day-of hospital logistics to post-op in-house movie nights – it was a revolving door of friends cooking for me, taking care of Rocco, doing my laundry and dishes, bathing me, taking me to dinner and to cool events, driving me to doctor’s appointments, downloading audio books, and checking in on me 24/7. My aunt and uncle even made a special visit which was reminiscent of when my dad came out to be with me for a minor surgery I’d had 25 years ago, armed with what seemed like a year’s supply of my grandma’s chicken and matzo ball soup and homemade Mandel Bread.

Although I’ve had the good fortune of having many close and very special friendships throughout my life, I was, once again, overwhelmed by the generosity and support that was so freely given by so many and I am forever changed by it. And, with the exception of a couple fast and furious meltdowns, I have been in exceptionally good spirits from the moment I left the hospital.

While I don’t recommend having to have surgery that renders you relatively incapacitated in order to have a shift in perspective around being vulnerable, it’s been said, when the solutions to our problems come, they are often difficult for us to receive. Life has a way of giving us the perfect people and situations to help us do something different so that we can actually have the things we say we want. Someone or something will show up in our lives that is the most challenging to our specific, deep-seated, fear-based beliefs that will take us out of our comfort zone – and it’s our choice whether to be open to receive the gift of that opening, no matter how uncomfortable it feels when it happens. Or to refuse it.

This is one of life’s many moments of truth – are we going to welcome a challenging opportunity in order to evolve beyond our self-imposed, internal barriers or will we resist and then still feel victimized when we continue to not get what we’ve been saying we want. All the while, turning our backs on the very people and situations that show up to heal us and bring us the love, connection, and affinity we so deeply long for.

Now, having spent six weeks in a sling, I can’t imagine not having had this fortuitous opportunity to let my friends be there for me – it’s as if they were waiting for it all along and I finally woke up. I can be stubborn so an injury would be an obvious wake-up call for me.

And, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t ask you to identify one thing, however small, that you are resisting because it feels too hard – and do it! Most of us know what we need to do, and what we need to stop doing, in order to have what we want. Simply decide to do one thing differently and see what happens. You might be surprised by how good it feels – maybe not right away – in fact, at first, it’s likely going to make you feel disoriented, anxious, and put your stomach in knots. If so, that’s the one you should stick with! Learning how to do something differently requires the willingness to tolerate discomfort. And remember, you wouldn’t be considering changing things up if what you’ve been doing was getting you what you want so you’ve really got nothing to lose by breaking up a long-held habit that has been leaving you empty-handed.

In one of her poems, Mary Oliver asks, “Are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?”. See what shows up from asking yourself this question. And then, enjoy the freedom and peace and aliveness that comes from bravely choosing your truest path – it’s called authentic happiness and time waits for no one.

Have fun playing with this new approach and email me what you notice!

With Love,

When All Else Fails, Be Yourself

When I was a teenager growing up in the 70’s and Graham Nash was proclaiming to song to, “Be Yourself”, I remember thinking, “Yeah, that’s right!” and ended up using that as one of my anthems into adulthood. And, although my version of what that looks like today is probably unrecognizable to the 16 year-old me, the core of the message is still the same – that I be true to myself because, at the end of the day, all that really matters is that I lived my life according to my own inner compass, my own True North.

We can so easily be influenced by what others think of us that it often leaves very little room to genuinely explore and then go after what we really want and what would make us truly happy. The tragedy is that we’re then stuck with a life (read: job, relationship, career, body, home-life, financial situation) that doesn’t fit who we really are and what we could actually have. As Charlie Chaplin noted on his 70th birthday while reflecting back on his life, “anguish and emotional suffering were only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.”

And the warning signs usually first come as a quiet whisper, obviously the best time to catch them and, with practice, really does get easier. Or, if we’re lucky, it’s more like a tap on the shoulder – still not too shabby if you can catch it then. More likely though, for most of us, you might notice it as some very annoying finger-poking in the chest, and, if you’re still not willing to pay attention, a thwack across the head – think major, and often humiliating, take-downs for those in the public eye and, for many of us, the usual high drama of didn’t-see-it-coming flash floods like affairs, pink slips, loss of an important friendship, or, even worse and, in most cases, just a quiet desperation of a life unlived.

The great news is that these circumstances don’t have to be a crisis; rather, it’s life’s way of sending us smoke signals that we’re off-course and just need to re-calibrate. Wake-up calls can be a cold shower and, although unpleasant, nothing more. If we take these signals as a friendly reminder to follow our hearts, no matter what, life has a way of providing all the support we need to take the steps toward creating a life filled with peace, joy, and true contentment.

So, what does being yourself really mean? The first step is recognizing that anything in your life that isn’t going the way you had hoped and planned likely has some hint of inauthenticity in it and lacks the vitality of a rich connection – with yourself and your values.

This is where a real heart-to-heart with yourself can do wonders. One great way to get back on track is to ask yourself, “If I were completely being myself in this situation or dynamic, what would I be doing, seeing, or saying, differently? What beliefs about myself and life would I have to be believing in order to feel alive and connected and getting the results I want? What conversations might I be having with the people I’m closest with?”

Start with where you are, get curious about what’s going on, and trust that the rest will show up as you go along. It was Oscar Wilde who once said, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Do yourself a favor and take his advice because it’s never too late to be the person you could have become!

With love,


The Four Pillars of a Wonderful Life

Clients often ask me, “How do I get what I want?” The question comes in many forms like, How can I have better communication with my husband/wife/business partner? How can I make more money? How do I find “The One”? How do I lose the one I’m with? How do I hold onto the one I have? How do I find a career I love that pays me enough? How do I lose the 20 pounds and keep it off? How do I have more balance? How do I get out of debt? How do I increase my sales? How do I get my business off the ground?

No matter the question, I believe the answer is always the same and one of the many forms the answer has come in for me is an approach I stumbled upon years ago called, The Four Pillars of a Wonderful Life. The idea is when all four pillars are firmly constructed, their sturdiness holds up a life worth living. So, let’s take a look.

The First Pillar is to know ourselves. Imagine getting excited at the prospect of getting to know yourself more, every day, and liking what you’re discovering. Every experience we have is an opportunity to grow and become more of who we are. But we have to be open to the lessons and willing to see that everything that happens to us is happening for us.

As the Tao Te Ching, written 3,500 years ago, says, life is a constant movement toward our wholeness and our greatness. When we resist this, we suffer and become more estranged from ourselves and from the opportunity to connect to our inner experience, which is what gives our lives meaning. When we realize that Life is a conversation, one we can dance with, we become more relaxed and connected to our true selves, which inherently increases our compassion and openness to ourselves.

The Second Pillar is to love ourselves. This one can sound so cliché and yet it is so fundamental to being genuinely fulfilled and happy. How can you expect to live a life you love or even find the love of your life, if you don’t love, honor, and cherish your own unique and precious self? Usually we’re so busy telling ourselves what’s wrong with us that we don’t see how lovable we are. We often hold ourselves to ridiculously high standards and see ourselves as deeply flawed so we don’t think we deserve to be loved “until or unless…”. Our self-love is often conditional and comes with strings attached – it’s pretty flimsy and not the kind of love I’d want to settle for with anyone, let alone have with myself.

We then try to motivate ourselves to make the changes we desire from this disapproving, critical, and judgmental standpoint and, while that may give us the short-term results (think bootcamp and diets), it isn’t effective for lasting change.

The Third Pillar is to trust ourselves. Becoming trustworthy can mean that we know we can dependably rely on ourselves to take good care of our well-being in all areas: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  This creates a self-assuredness and calm and that, in turn, builds our confidence. It gives us the ability to make choices that fuel rather than deplete us.

The Fourth Pillar is to inspire ourselves. How many times have you said to yourself, “I’m bored, I can’t think of anything fun and interesting to do. I’m just not motivated. ”

Life is filled with opportunities to connect with our creative life force and to make a difference. When in doubt, get out of yourself and go help someone else who is less fortunate. That is a great way to re-ignite your flame. Once your pilot light is back on, keep it burning by asking yourself, “What else can I try? Where else can I go? Who else can I meet? What else can I make?” Just like negative thinking and getting stuck in old beliefs of lack and scarcity is habit-forming, getting inspired is contagious, too.

TRY THIS: for the next 30 days, give 30 minutes each day toward knowing, loving, trusting, and inspiring yourself and see if it makes a difference in your life.

AND, for those of you who are interested in having more self-awareness, love, trust, and inspiration in your life, contact me for a complimentary coaching consultation. Say YES to living a life you love NOW because, “a year from now you’ll wish you had started today.”

With Love,

Sustainable Resolutions: Choosing What You Want Most

I once heard it said that discipline is just choosing between what you want now and what you want most. If that’s true then it would be good to know what’s really important to you and to your life so that, when you are making decisions about how you’re spending your time and who you’re spending it with, you can consciously decide whether it is either an attempt to temporarily alleviate the inescapable discomfort of being human or if it’s in greater service of your true heart’s desire.
The absolute best way to know the difference is to spend time getting to know yourself. No one can do this for us and the only way we can get to know ourselves is by spending real time with ourselves. You are the expert on you and there’s no better way to hear the wisdom of your inner guidance than to get quiet and listen.
Gandhi once said, “The only tyrant I will follow is the still, small voice within.” The truth of who we are is tyrannical and it patiently and persistently tugs at us, sometimes in a barely audible whisper, until we quiet our minds of the thoughts and the made-up stories that keep recycling in our brain, taking up precious time and space that could be used to bring us real and lasting happiness. And it’s not until we bestill the mental chatter that we can start listening to what it’s saying.
Most of us don’t stop to listen because we’re afraid that it’s going to tell us to do something we don’t want, like change the dynamic of our intimate relationships or friendships, eat the broccoli instead of the pizza, stop self-righteously judging someone and, instead, get into their world and see their point of view of things, or give up a night of TV to enroll in a class in something we’ve always wanted to do.
If the pizza were going to bring you real comfort, or the lack of real communication with others was going to bring you more meaning and closeness, or being right were viable roads to true happiness, then we’d all be set. But, it doesn’t work that way and, thankfully so because, at the end of the day, I can’t imagine anyone saying they wished they’d watched more TV, or closed more people out of their hearts, or ate more foods that made them feel sick.
So, the first step to finding out who you are, and this is going to sound brutal, is to stop what you’re doing and really start noticing the voice inside your head and hear what it’s saying. For those of you who are not used to doing this, which is most of us, you will, at first, not even know the difference between this voice and the real you, so be patient with yourself as you charter the tricky terrain of your mind and its creative ways of lulling you into looking outside yourself for approval, validation, and a sense of worthiness.
One of the reasons it’s so important to know the difference between that voice inside your head and your own inner knowing is that, without your awareness or permission, it will make choices for you that ultimately keep you stuck and unhappy and further from the truth of who you are. And, no matter how much you say you want something, if you don’t actually believe it, it will not come to be.
There are many ways to get acquainted with the voice in your head and, besides meditation, one of the best ways I know of is to start a daily morning practice of writing down your stream-of-conscious thoughts in a notebook – I’m talking good old-fashioned journaling that is for your eyes only. I have been doing this myself, off and on, since I was a teenager and it’s also one of the first things I get my clients in the habit of doing when we start working together.
The results my clients have experienced from doing this have often been nothing less than transformational – from restored relationships that seemed hopeless, to the breaking off of marital engagements that were based on fantasy and projection, to starting successful businesses generated from long-held creative passions, to going from feeling hopelessly unemployed to getting a six-figure job, to meeting and creating a life with the person of their dreams, to creating a more empowering and exciting role in their company that better reflects their strengths and interests, to changing their sexual identities (both ways!), and the list goes on.
But, most importantly, what comes from knowing ourselves is a greater ability to love who we are and that love is what creates true possibility – for ourselves, for others, and for the world. When we are so busy judging ourselves and others, there is no space for true creation and creating is what makes us come alive.
Try this: ask yourself, of these two choices, do you prefer truth or untruth? Now, ask, would you choose something that feels good or something that feels bad? Ok, now, which would you choose, something that feels good or something that is true?
If you didn’t laugh, you’d cry, right? This is where it’s easy to get stuck and choose the short-term gratification over the bigger picture of true fulfillment. And, if the price weren’t so high, like forfeiting your dreams and passions, then I’d say, no big deal and to go for it. But the cost of not authentically living into who you really are is to be miserable, at best, and life-threatening, at worst.
It’s not about being perfect, it’s about waking up and becoming aware of what’s true because, as it’s been said through time, the truth will set us free, and freedom allows us to choose powerfully. If you get and stay curious, challenge yourself to ask the powerful questions, and allow for the raw energy of life to move through you, you get your real self back and, from that place, anything is possible.
So, the great news is that, once we start exercising the often flabby muscles of our deeply-held desire to genuinely connect with ourselves and others and access our vibrant and creative spirit, we start to get into a groove and the very same techniques that got us stuck into old and destructive habits that keep us unhappy are now in service of activities, routines, and behaviors that actually bring us true happiness, peace of mind, and real joy. And, if you check under the hood of anyone’s new year’s resolutions, you’ll probably find very similar motives: to feel, do, and be their best. So, start getting “selfish” and focus on you and what you really want – it’s the greatest gift you can give yourself and everyone else.
Have fun playing with this approach and email me what you notice!
With Love,